Today will be a short post but I did want to remind everyone about the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey. I believe these can truly transform your life. So here they are the Cliff's Note version of the habits: First Independence The First Three Habits surround moving from dependence to independence (i.e., self-mastery): 1 - Be Proactive Talks about the concept of Circle of Influence and Circle of Concern. Work from the center of your influence and constantly work to expand it. Don't sit and wait in a reactive mode, waiting for problems to happen (Circle of Concern) before taking action. 2 - Begin with the End in Mind Envision what you want in the future so you can work and plan towards it. Understand how people make decisions in their life. To be effective you need to act based on principles and constantly review your mission statement. Are you - right now - who you want to be? What do I have to say about myself? How do you want to be remembered? Change your life to act and be proactive according to the Habit 1. You are the programmer! Grow and stay humble. 3 - Put First Things First Talks about difference between Leadership and Management. Leadership in the outside world begins with personal vision and personal leadership. Talks about what is important and what is urgent. Priority should be given in the following order: 1) Important and Urgent 2) Important and not-urgent 3) Not Important and Urgent 4) Not important and Not urgent Habit 2 says: you are the programmer. Habit 3: Write the program. Become a leader! Keep personal integrity: what you say vs what you do. Interdependence The next three habits talk about Interdependence (e.g., working with others): 4 - Think Win-Win Genuine feelings for mutually beneficial solutions or agreements in your relationships. Value and respect people by understanding a "win" for all is ultimately a better long-term resolution than if only one person in the situation had gotten his way. Think Win-Win isn't about being nice, nor is it a quick-fix technique. It is a character-based code for human interaction and collaboration. 5 - Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood Use empathic listening to genuinely understand a person, which compels them to reciprocate the listening and take an open mind to being influenced by you. This creates an atmosphere of caring, and positive problem solving. The Habit 5 is greatly embraced in the Greek philosophy represented by 3 words: 1) Ethos - your personal credibility. It's the trust that you inspire, your Emotional Bank Account. 2) Pathos is the empathic side -- it's the alignment with the emotional trust of another person communication. 3) Logos is the logic -- the reasoning part of the presentation. The order is important: ethos, pathos, logos -- your character, and your relationships, and then the logic of your presentation. 6 - Synergize Combine the strengths of people through positive teamwork, so as to achieve goals that no one could have done alone. Continuous ImprovementsThe final habit is that of continuous improvement in both the personal and interpersonal spheres of influence. 7 - Sharpen the Saw Balance and renew your resources, energy, and health to create a sustainable, long-term, effective lifestyle. It primarily emphasizes exercise for physical renewal, good prayer (meditation, yoga, etc.) and good reading for mental renewal. It also mentions service to society for spiritual renewal.Covey explains the "Upward Spiral" model in the sharpening the saw section. Through our conscience, along with meaningful and consistent progress, the spiral will result in growth, change, and constant improvement. In essence, one is always attempting to integrate and master the principles outlined in The 7 Habits at progressively higher levels at each iteration. Subsequent development on any habit will render a different experience and you will learn the principles with a deeper understanding. The Upward Spiral model consists of three parts: learn, commit, do. According to Covey, one must be increasingly educating the conscience in order to grow and develop on the upward spiral. The idea of renewal by education will propel one along the path of personal freedom, security, wisdom, and power. The 8th Habit8 - Find your voice and inspire others to find theirs. Tell me how the these 7 habits have transformed your life or how you think they can change your life. I look forward to hearing from you. Resources: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_7_Habits_of_Highly_Effective_People
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Motivation is a phenomenon and may be the trickiest noun out there. I wanted to share some motivational myths that I recently read in a Psychology Today article. What is interesting about myths is that some people actually believe them, which is fine, but we must ask ourselves why we think these myths are true for ourselves and not for another?
The first motivational myth is about writing down your goals. There is little evidence that this works: "To be fair, there is evidence that getting specific about what you want to achieve is really important. It's not a guaranteed road to fabulous wealth, but still important. In other words, specificity is necessary, but it's not nearly sufficient. Writing goals down is actually neither—it can't hurt, but there's also no hard evidence that writing per se does anything to help." With that said, I believe writing goals down gives people hope and ultimately motivation to keep believing that good will come to us. So I say write it down if it makes you happy and motivated. The second motivational myth is the old saying, "Just do your best!" Some people are probably sick of hearing this from other people. Researchers say, "Theoretically, it encourages without putting on too much pressure. In reality, and rather ironically, it is more-or-less permission to be mediocre." I somewhat understand what the research is saying but I believe it is sometimes necessary to at least keep telling ourselves to do our best. Saying it to other people is cliche for me. I would rather hear someone say, " No matter what happens, I will be here for you." That may motivate people to take more chances knowing that if it doesn't go the way they thought, people are still rooting them on. Here is what the research says we should do instead: "Evidence from more than 1,000 studies conducted by researchers across the globe shows that goals that not only spell out exactly what needs to be accomplished, but that also set the bar for achievement high, result in far superior performance than simply trying to "do your best." That's because more difficult goals cause you to, often unconsciously, increase your effort, focus and commitment to the goal, persist longer, and make better use of the most effective strategies." The third myth is all about visualization. This sounds like The Secret to me. Put it out in the universe and it will eventually happen. Once again, this one is a little far fetched but gives people hope. Hope is good if you have the understanding that another thing that you didn't expect to happen could be what you were waiting for the whole time. But the research is not so positive: "Recent research shows that this actually (and once again, ironically) serves to drain the very energy we need to reach our goals. People who spend too much time fantasizing about the wonderful future that awaits them don't have enough gas left in the tank to actually get there." The research simply says to be confident and have a realistic attitude about what will be. In other words, hope for the best and try not to dwell on things that are not in your control. No matter what the research says, having a positive attitude won't ruin your motivation. Like I said before, if you hope for the best and expect the worse you shouldn't get too disappointed if things don't go your way. Totally motivating, right? Resources: Halvorson, Heidi, G. Psychology Today: The 3 Biggest Myths about Motivation That Won't Go Away. Posted June 17th 2011. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-science-success/201106/the-3-biggest-myths-about-motivation-won-t-go-away I need to start by thanking Oprah for helping me understand what the soul meant. There is not one definition for what the soul is as you may know by watching Super Soul Sunday on OWN. Everyone she interviews has a different definition for the soul. They all have an underlining theme. The soul is our authentic self. The soul comes from the inside out, rather than the outside in. From the outside in, the ego is taking over. From the inside out, our authentic self is present. Usually anything from the outside in, can be taken away from you. Gary Zukav calls this external power. Anything from the inside cannot be taken away and this is called authentic power according to Zukav. Oprah defines it as such: "When the personality comes to serve the energy of the soul, that is authentic empowerment. Use your personality to serve your soul." If you haven't read Seat of the Soul by Gary Zukav, I highly recommend it. You definitely have to read it with an open mind, but I truly believe it will change the way you see things. Zukav speaks about addiction and his definition and insight about addiction is very enlightening and gives hope to any addict. His words helped me to see that I am not a monster for my addictions. "Our addictions are not stronger than who we really want to be." This resonated with me and proved to me what my soul is. My soul wants me to be good. My soul wants me to get better. We just have to make the choice. Like god, our souls are always there rooting us on. Our soul wants us to be happy. Our soul wants us to live. Our soul wants us to make the right choice but does not demean us when we make the wrong choice. Another recommendation would be to watch Gary Zukav's Super Soul Sunday. You can find it on Demand and is Season 5, Episode 4. If you can't find it, I highly recommend searching on Youtube for Gary Zukav content. It truly can change your life. For the rest of this blog I thought I would share different definitions for the soul: "The soul is the fingerprint of god that becomes the physical body" Iyanla Vanzant "The truth that is inside of you, the art that's inside of you waiting to come out." John Legend "The soul is a unit of awareness" Pharrell Williams "The soul is the essential self that is the same in everybody that isn't defined by personal circumstances and biology" Russell Brand "Your soul is the thing that belongs to you and you alone. It's that relationship you have with your inner consciousness and imagination and internal beingness. That soul is clean and pure and only yours alone" Sharon Stone "The real you. You do not have a soul, you are a soul. You have a body" India.Arie "The sacred space where my head and heart meet, where god lives." Brene Brown "The soul is the core of your being. It is eternal. It doesn't exist in space-time. It's a field of infinite possibilities. Infinite creativity. It's your internal reference point with which you should always be in touch." Deepak Chopra What does the soul mean to you? I would love to hear your comments. Serenity Saturday is all about letting life be. Serenity sounds quiet and hopefully what I share here will help you get to a place of acceptance and serenity no matter what your situation. I want to share a poem by King David: identity Im a calm, cool collected cucumber underneath this fandangled, wiry, wrinkled visage. Ive escaped the clutches of the tangled snare of my image. Where and when I belong and to whom is no matter. I pass by groups and clans and grimace inquisitively at thier chatter. To my ears its an alien clamour of clashing egos and look at me's. They'd all be happier in a lonesome cross legged position enjoying the breeze beneath the trees. With ease I float through my day passionately. Expanding and contracting with the waves of existence. I sway indefinitely. Yield to and renounce the question arisen from the back of the mind "what does it mean to be me" I love this poem because serenity comes over you immediately with the clever word choices. I also enjoy the mention of egos. Egos can destroy serenity almost immediately. Try and remember that what you are looking at in nature was here way before your ego arrived. Try and step outside of your ego and see things for what they are. Judgment and serenity is like oil and water. They do not mix. Try and take the time today to sit and be serene. It is definitely a practice. I try and recite the serenity prayer daily: Serenity Prayer God Grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change Courage to change the things I can and the Wisdom to know the difference This prayer will help you get to more serene places in your thinking and the way you see things. Always remember that God means something different for everyone. God can be your higher power. This is ok. If you need to take God out of the prayer, do what you feel works best for you. You don't need to be addicted to anything to recite the Serenity Prayer. Serenity ScenesWhy do you think this picture whispers serenity? If you said the snow, you are correct. Snow gives a sense of quiet. It literally muffles sound. Rain drops make noise, snow flakes are quiet. Very quiet. The next time you need some quiet, try and look at a picture of snow. Do a Google search, there are millions of serene pictures on the web. Serenity can be gained very easily but it is hard to keep serenity with all the other noise in our lives. I have serenity when I am eating right. As an over-eater, I beat myself up so much when I don't follow my food plan. The following passage from "Voices of Recovery" really hit home: In my opinion, abstinence is the pathway to serenity. Serenity is peace.
I was contemplating on combining my Wellness Wednesdays blog with diet and fitness advice but research is constantly showing that they are two separate beasts; therefore, Fitness Friday will be its own entity. When you are trying to lose weight you should focus on your diet. When you are trying to get stronger, you should focus on fitness. Of course when you are on a diet, throwing fitness in there could speed your results, but it is not necessary. If you get too overwhelmed with both, just focus on diet and you will lose weight as long as you have a calorie deficit. Fitness Fun Fitness can be just as daunting as diet. In order for fitness to be not as daunting, we must play tricks on our minds. Fitness needs to be fun. I have heard fitness and health guru Forbes Riley say that it shouldn't be called a workout, it should be called a "playout." In other words, exercise should feel like you are playing. Please understand that any kind of activity you do will help. Whether it is a 30 minute walk in the morning and evening, it all adds up. I am not a personal trainer, but I am looking to get certified in the near future. I have done a lot of fitness regimes from P90x to Jillian Michaels Body Revolution. I have over 50 workout DVD's to choose from so I do not get bored. If you have read earlier blogs you will know that I have lost over 100 pounds and that was not by doing the same thing over and over. I had to make my weight loss fun or I would not have been a success. With that said, I know a lot about how the aforementioned programs are put together and they are all based on the recent exercise science. They progress you at the beginning to make sure you have good balance and posture. The important thing about these programs is that they are not a one size fits all solution. You must know what your body can do and you need to reconfigure the workout to meet your needs. For example, there are a few moves in some of the DVD's I mentioned that I simply hate doing. I modify these to something similar that I find more fun. On the DVD's you own, pick out the ones that you enjoy and mix them all up through the week. This will likely keep you motivated to do them. I hate hate hate getting on the floor to do certain moves, so I also modify these. I know some may say I need to challenge myself and I do. I do try these moves and add them in every now and then, but I know if I am to be successful, I have to enjoy what I am doing. If I dread a workout because 2 of the moves require me to get on the floor, I will likely talk myself out of doing the workout all together. The important thing is to keep moving. If you hate jumping jacks, jog in place. If you hate planks (which I call the devil's exercise),balance yourself on a wall or chair. Additionally, I hate putting on my shoes to workout! I know I sound like the laziest person out there, but I am speaking my truth. To help with this, I bought, slip on shoes to work out in. I recommend the Sketchers Walk brand. They are super comfy! I do not recommend running on a treadmill with these, but if you are simply doing resistance training or doing a cardio machine (not running on a treadmill) these should be fine. You don't even have to wear socks with these. I truly believe what I said helped me lose more than 100 pounds along with diet. Same thing with diet. I will talk more about my diet in a later blog. Treadmill "Playout" I recently came up with a treadmill workout that is not too daunting. You can modify to your liking if you don't have the time to complete the whole 50 minutes. Here is my interval treadmill playout: If you are short on time, you can always make the walks 1 minute instead of 2 minutes. Also, if you are not a fan of going fast, modify the speed to your comfort level. Remember, make it work for you and you will likely come back and do it again. Make sure you put on some good music too! This can help you really get through the workout and make it more fun. I recommend talking to your doctor before doing this workout to see if it is something that he or she approves for you. Also, make sure your shoe laces are nice and tight and have water handy. Have fun and be fit!
Thoughtful Thursday is all about kindness: kindness in the world, kindness between people, and kindness to ourselves. It is my hope that what I share in here will make you smile and think. I try and make these blogs as organic as possible and share what has come to me weekly on these topics. With that said, I was reading a blog yesterday about Thomas Edison and his mother and I wanted to share this very thoughtful story:
One day, when Thomas Edison was just a boy, he came home after school one day and gave a paper to his mother. He told her, “My teacher gave this paper to me and told me to only give it to my mother.” His mother’s eyes were tearful as she read the letter out loud to her child: “Your son is a genius. This school is too small for him and doesn’t have enough good teachers to teach and train him. Please teach him yourself.” Several years later, after Edison’s mother died and he was now one of the greatest inventors of the century, Thomas was looking through some old family things when he came across a folded paper in the corner of a drawer in a desk. He took it and opened it up. On the paper it read: “Your son is addled (mentally ill). We won’t let him come to school anymore. Edison cried and cried for hours and then he wrote in his diary: “Thomas Alva Edison was an addled child that, by a hero mother, became the genius of the century." The thoughtfulness and kindness in this story is unlike any other. What a hero Edison's mother is and was. The next part of Thoughtful Thursday is an awesome fact you may or may have not known about the things in our world: DID YOU KNOW?
Resources: http://www.did-you-knows.com https://goodtimestories.wordpress.com Anyone else hate diets? Well, that is what I am discussing today. I hate diets and there is strong research that shows they do not work. When we try to change our weight by restricting calories, it is a mental mind game. I know first hand. I used to be 350 pounds and I lost over a hundred pounds on the Atkins diet as well as daily exercising. It took me well over 3 years to get down to 180 pounds and then I thought I was done. Ha! Was I fooled! I am currently 230 pounds so you can see I gained some weight back. Why you may ask? LIFE and lack of knowledge. If I knew about maintaining my weight I may be 180 still. If I knew that I shouldn't forget about myself in relationships, I could still be close to my goal weight. Diets seem to work for the short-term but definitely fail in the long-term. I want to be at a stable weight for the rest of my life and I do not want to keep going up and down. How do I make this happen??? Well, it seems pretty easy, but far from simple. Here is the number one thing I know works even though some researchers may disagree.
Count Those Calories Some may disagree with this but I am standing strong with this one because it is simple science: Calories in and calories out. Any calorie that is not burned off, will be stored as fat. If we want to lose weight, we need a calorie deficit and if we want to maintain weight you have to burn as much as you are eating. If you want to gain weight, eat more than you are moving. Simple right? Well, there are many arguments that hormones can control your weight but that is another conversation. If you are truly being honest with yourself and you are restricting calories and you are not losing weight, go see your doctor. According to Charlotte Markey, "The mental effort required to count calories soon leads to burnout, fatigue, and resentment, according to research." This made me cringe because I know the feeling of counting calories and how daunting it can be, but I have to disagree from my binge eating self. As a member of Overeaters Anonymous, I know I need a food plan that works for me. I can't just go through my day eating what I want. I have tried Weight Watchers and that does work for me the majority of the time, but then something happens when I am very successful, I always sabotage my weight loss and gain weight back. I feel like I deserve to eat what ever I want. Why is this? Researchers suggest that it could be the "What the hell effect?" When we feel we strayed from our diet, we sometimes convince ourselves that we have blown the whole thing and say WHAT THE HELL? I ALREADY BLEW IT SO I MIGHT AS WELL HAVE 3 PIECES OF CAKE!!! This "What the hell effect?" releases all self-control and we sabotage ourselves with food. Some people are fine around food, but addicts need structure and help from others in their OA group. Weight Watchers has a similar approach. I think we may be onto something about this community thing with food. In an earlier blog, I discussed how food was always a community activity in our hunter-gatherer days. I have seen it work when I am in a community of EATERS. I have worked the steps and they have gotten me on track, but as soon as I thought I was ok, I went down the rabbit hole again. I believe that is the key. We have to know that we cannot do it alone. Health is hard work and it cannot be done alone. We need friends to check in with and to show that we are human and that we have slip ups. We have to stop looking at straying from our food plan as the end of the world. When we are driving down the highway and get a flat we don't pull over and stab the other 4 tires. We change the one and keep going. We have to pick ourselves back up and keep moving forward. I am sick and tired of pulling over and stabbing all my tires. I want to love my body. I am not loving my body by putting all this extra food into it. I will never look perfect and I know this. Some final words on weight loss. Everyone is on a different path and something that works for me doesn't work for another but research is constantly showing the following steps should work if you work them: 1. "Don't deprive yourself: eating very little is hard to sustain, and when you slip up, studies show, you will probably massively overeat as a rebound effect." 2. "Don't cut out entire food groups: As soon as a food is forbidden, cravings for it go through the roof. Dieters who try this strategy end up eating more taboo treats." 3. "Do find a few healthy meals that you like and can cycle through: Creating an enjoyable routine that does not require much thought is a crucial first step on the road to long-term change" 4. "Do make small changes, one at a time: By waiting until a healthy choice feels like a habit before adding another, you can avoid the mental fatigue that dooms most diets." 5. "Do focus on what you like about your body: Research shows that people with a positive body image are more successful at staying fit." I try and make my health a game. Maybe this is bad, but I feel like this could work:
Resources: Markey, Charlotte N. "Don't Diet." Scientific American Mind Sep/Oct. 2015: 46-53. Print. I was going to name Tuesday, Tough Tuesdays, but I feel Transformation Tuesday is a better name for many reasons. First, transformations are not always pleasant and can be very tough. Second, transformations can be very motivating which builds on my Monday blog. Finally, transformations enlighten us and help us see that we can do it. With that said, transformation Tuesday's is born. We all have something that we should transform. It could be the way we treat people. It could be a transformation for our health or it could be a transformation with the way we think. The transformation I would like to discuss is not really about transformation in fact, it is about how much we haven't transformed for thousands of years. I recently read an awesome article in Scientific American called The Exercise Paradox by Herman Pontzer about how many calories we burn today as a species compared to our hunter gatherer ancestors. One would think that our ancestors were more active but research shows that today we burn about the same calories as we did in the past. Here are the findings that I found most interesting and my comments about each quote: "Our data indicate that, contrary to received wisdom, humans tend to burn the same number of calories regardless of how physically active they are." BOOM! Mind blown! "Populations such as the Hadza, one of the last hunter -gatherer populations left in the world, are key to understanding how our bodies evolved and functioned before cows, cars, and computers. Hunting and gathering is cerebral and risky, a high stakes game in which the currency is calories and going bust means death. Men such as Mwasad spends hundreds of calories a day hunting and tracking, a gamble that they hope will pay off in the game. Savvy is just as critical as stamina. Whereas other predators can rely on their speed and strength to obtain prey, humans have to outthink their quarry, considering their behavioral tendencies and scouring the landscape for signs of game. Still, Hazda men land big game like giraffes only about once a month. They would starve if Hazda women were not executing an equally sophisticated, complementary strategy, using their encyclopedia of knowledge of local plant life to bring home a reliable bounty every day. This complex, cooperative foraging is what made humans so incredibly successful and is the core of what makes us unique." Is transformation contingent on collaboration? Do we need each other in order to transform? "Following up on that work, Lara Dugas, also at Loyola, along with Luke and others, analyzed data from 98 studies around the globe and showed that populations coddled by the modern conveniences of the developed world have similar energy expenditures to those in less developed countries, with more physically demanding lives." I am glad they used data from all over the world here. "All the evidence points towards obesity being a disease of gluttony rather than sloth." What about all the research on the endocrine system? Thyroid? I think this is basically saying that those who are overweight, eat more than they move. "Evidence indicates that it is best to think of diet and exercise as different tools with different strengths. Exercise to stay healthy and vital; focus on diet to look after your weight." This is not new to the world of diet and exercise. I have heard weight loss is 80% diet, and 20% exercise. It is interesting to think of them as two separate beasts rather than a combo. "Sharing food is so fundamental to the human experience, the common thread of every barbecue, birthday, bar mitzvah, that we take it for granted, but it is a unique and essential part of our evolutionary inheritance. Other apes do not share. Beyond our nutritional requirements and fixation with fat, perhaps the most profound impact of our increased energy expenditure is this human imperative to work together." Maybe this is why Crossfit and other activities that involve a sense of community have been so powerful in the last 5 years. In a nutshell, if you are looking to transform, get help. You will be more successful if you collaboration. I know I find transforming much easier when I have others to depend on and to share my troubles. When we keep those troubles inside they could cause us to overeat. I know they make me overeat. Be well, and do not be afraid of transformation. If you are interested in reading the whole article I suggest you go to the Scientific American website and search their archives. It does cost money but I think it is worth the knowledge and insights. https://www.scientificamerican.com/magazine/sa/2017/02-01/ Motivation may be the hardest thing in life. I have been using an app called Pact for over 3 years that helps motivate me to eat fruits and vegetables, workout, and log my daily diet. Every week I would fulfill my pact I would get paid, if I missed logging anything during the week I would have to pay a predetermined amount of money for every pact I missed (from $5-$50). If I fulfilled my pact I would get paid from all the other people who did not fulfill his or her pact. You can see why this could be motivating.
I found out on Friday that Pact was shutting down and I was super sad. Getting the weekly pay check of an average of $3.00 was nice but it wasn't about the money. It is a habit that is going to stop but I know the key is to replace the habit. There are many apps out there to help with motivation. MyFitnessPal is a great app. Just having an Apple Watch or Fitbit is another great motivational tool. Motivation doesn't just appear, it has to come from within. You have to make the choice to be motivated. Go do a search for motivational apps and see what comes up. Just by making that choice to search motivational apps plants a seed that could grow into a great habit. Give it a try! I promise it will change you. |
AuthorAddiction and Health coach who aims to make recovery possible for struggling addicts. I am a recovering addict myself and have been for more than 20 years. I have struggled with food, sex, and porn addictions and want to give back to others to help with their addictions. Email me with questions, reactions, and concerns. I am here to help and will never judge ArchivesCategories |